Episode 35: Tossing Lines

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Michelle opens by tossing the questions to Ron of what is ‘Tossing Lines’ and how did he come up with that phrase?

• Ron says that the fundamental of ‘Tossing Lines’ is to be an offer of help to somebody.
• He continues by noting how it is different than just offering help of giving someone $5, but rather it is a process of asking a series of questions that helps that person make up a new story.
• Ron then relays the story of how the phrase ‘Tossing Lines’ came about, and why that phrase really stuck with him.

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Michelle thinks back to the story that Ron just told and asks why and when does he find that he wants to open that space for someone else to learn?

• Ron says that he holds at a fundamental level, “I need help,” but not the ‘here’s $5’ kind of help.
• He says that what he really needs help with continuing learning and understanding others, and finding others who are in the same space.
• Ron then describes what that connection with someone feels like, once you’ve have put in the effort to find and make those connections.

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Ron asks Michelle how those connections show up for her.

• Michelle describes what those connections look like to her compared to the help of offering $5.
• She then continues to describe how the connections have different costs, and how those costs change over time.
• Ron follows her line of thinking, saying that each of those connections where lines are being tossed is an opportunity to learn.

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Michelle asks Ron what ‘tossing lines’ actually looks like in practice.

• Ron recalls how at first before he was ‘tossing lines’ he was throwing rocks, and describes the difference between the two.
• He describes his first experience of switching from throwing rocks to tossing lines, and the conversation he had with others around retirement.
• After realizing how approaching people differently when he changed his approach to be curious, that people were working with him rather than against him.
• Michelle said that thought triggered her to recall previous experiences where people were much more willing to work with her, especially when she started practicing being curious.
• Ron describes how this social network you gain as a result of this practice of ‘tossing lines’ is a great form of wealth.

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Michelle asks Ron if he has examples of failure and recovery, or scenarios where it didn’t work the first time, but the other person might have eventually come around.

• Ron tells a story of how previous experiences when he threw rocks, or feathers, and how that hurt the relationship.
• He continues by retelling how that relationship eventually came around and how they worked past the initial rock throwing.

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Michelle asks Ron whether he has a set of lines that he uses when ‘tossing lines’ or whether it’s all done on the spot.

• Ron says that the first line he tosses is always to himself, saying that he is enough.
• He says that creating your way of being before you’re even getting started is the most important part of the process.
• Ron continues by describing ways to work through if you tossed a line that might have shown up to the other person as you throwing a rock.
• He then gives a few examples of lines that he uses to open up conversations.

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Michelle reflects on what Ron has said and finds a few lessons that she then relays. 

• She continues by telling a personal story of when she thought she tossed a rock, and yet the other person took it as a line.
• Ron follows the line of thinking, saying why that people might come back to thank you for something that they created themselves.
• Michelle and Ron both talk about the relationships that have developed with this line of thinking where both people are tossing lines to the others.
• They both wrap up by reflecting on other lessons they are taking out of the conversation they had today.

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Join us to hear how understanding the idea of “self talk” — and what you can do about it — could change your relationships and life for the better.

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Visit www.macklinconnection.com

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