Before I Speak, Remember...

At MacklinConnection, we believe in the power of building authentic connections. One of our key practices is tossing lines — asking a question or telling a story that helps others reflect on themselves. But before I begin tossing lines, I pause and reflect. Here’s how.

First, I create a way of being for myself.

Before I toss the first line, I create my way of being for myself. Typically, I create myself as humble and authentic, to remind me of being a flawed human. It is our nature to want to look good for others, or at least not to look bad. If we do not create ourselves intentionally to sidestep this nature, we are less likely to be humble and authentic.

Then, I remind myself of when I was in a similar situation. 

Before I toss the first line, I remember when I was in a similar unwanted or unexpected situation and what it was like for me at that moment. I remember the stories I made up with no help from others about my fear, insecurity, shame, and humiliation. I remember the stories I made up about the stories others were speaking about my blame, guilt, consequences, and actions to recovery, and more blame.

I notice myself not wanting to remember the body sensations, the fear, the craving to be alone, to blame others, and my shame. I guess I created my resting bastard face to hide all the body sensations that would let people know I was scared, or worse, make them think I was weak.

I have paused many times to remember how the situation was for me.  

Here’s an example:

Here, I'll share how I tossed a “memory line” —  first to myself and then to my son Garrett when I made up that he was distraught. When I asked him what was going on, he said his friend that he trusted had let him down in an online game, and everything they had built was destroyed.

I chose to take myself back to a time when a colleague I had trusted did not produce as he had promised. Not only was my colleague not trustworthy, but neither was I.  Because I was the one who trusted the person who did not produce as he promised, I was the one I could not trust to trust in the future. I had proof that I was not trustworthy in assessing who to trust. I can leave that untrustworthy situation, but I can't leave my untrustworthy Self.

The first line I tossed to Garrett was to share my experience. He was reticent and asked how I started to trust myself again and how long it took. I shared that I have done this several times over my fifty-plus years and am now quicker at recovery. The last time it only took me a couple of months. And there were times when it took me years to fully trust myself again. My practice of creating my way of being, and creating who others are for me, has significantly reduced the time it takes for me to choose to re-trust myself.  Having a network of humble, authentic, and vulnerable selves to talk with enables trusting in myself and then trusting in others.

Want to learn more about tossing lines and cultivating authentic connections? Join us for an upcoming workshop.