How to Choose Your Self-Talk

I am in an ongoing, never-ending, unavoidable conversation with myself. My self-talk is like a horse running wild — the conversation never ends, even if I try to stop it. I can hear it right now: “Should I be writing this? I am not qualified to write this. Will people find it valuable?  How could this be better? What will Ron think?"

I invent future outcomes as if I have a crystal ball and know what will happen. Below, I share how I assess, and choose, my self-talk. 

Assessing My Self-Talk

I accept that I cannot escape this conversation with myself. It is always there and is what makes me human. I am committed to taking care of my family and my future, and my self-talk is still there.

After noticing that I’m having a conversation with myself, I can observe and assess the conversation. For example, I ask myself questions like: Is my self-talk preventing me from taking necessary actions (my Scared Self-talk)? Or is it helping me to make plans and take new actions to live the life I intend (moving forward self-talk)? Is it grounded? 

As I observe my self-talk – the positive, the negative and the ungrounded – I can toss myself the line, “Assess my self-talk. Which do I choose to use, my Scared Self-talk or my moving forward self-talk?”

“Basically, negative self-talk is any inner dialogue you have with yourself that may be limiting your ability to believe in yourself and your own abilities, and to reach your potential.” — ELIZABETH SCOTT, MS

 
Choosing My Self-Talk

First, I ask myself, “What is my Scared Self-talk saying? How is it behaving? What is it trying to “protect” me from?”  With my responses I can craft the conversation for the actions and outcomes I choose in my life by inventing my moving forward self-talk with others.

As I begin to do this, I notice a sense of calm as my moving forward self-talk takes over from my Scared Self-talk. “I am a gift to those around me,” says my moving forward self. My Scared Self is screaming, “You’re not a gift!  My moving-forward-self responds, “Not being present and engaged is denying them what I have to offer.”

Helping Others Assess

When I notice someone being quiet – knowing their mile-a-minute Scared Self-talk is keeping them quiet – I toss the line, “What are you creating over there?”

They usually reply with something like, “I don’t know if I have the right answer.”

I respond with something like, “You don’t have all the answers, and you don’t need to pretend you do. The answers are out there. Let’s go discover them.” Their moving forward self starts leading their Scared Self.

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