Integrity Versus the Scared Self

My Stand is to show up and contribute to the world around me.

When I write and speak my Stand, I can also hear my Scared Self.  My Scared Self doesn’t want to show up and creates stories to help it stay hidden … because nothing is scarier to the Scared Self than being exposed.  The Scared Self screams, “shut up, be quiet, and put on that poker face or you are going to fail and look bad”.

Sometimes, my Scared Self lies so that it appears to me as not scared.  My Scared Self says that everything is “ok” or “good enough,” or that what did not happen never really mattered to begin with.  Sometimes it tells me that when I didn’t show up on time, or show up at all, there was never an expectation for me to show up anyway.  When my Scared Self tells me it is ok to hide, it wants me to feel comfortable and safe when I don’t show up and contribute.

When I miss my opportunity to be my Stand to show up and contribute, my Scared Self tells me, “Well, it wasn’t supposed to happen anyway – stay hidden – you got lucky. Now, you won’t be out there exposed.”  Yet, the world misses out on Matthew – authentic Matthew.  When I don’t show up, I sometimes am not aware I’m creating another stand – what I will do, won’t do or might do – that puts me out of integrity with my Chosen Stand.

When my integrity is missing in my Stand to show up and contribute, I am the one who is missing.  My thinking, my listening, my help, my value, my learning, my growth, my contribution – all are missing.  When I notice I am out of integrity, I am assessing mySelf.  I am not “shoulding”; rather, I am committing to reconnecting with my Chosen Stand.

I hold that integrity is the state of being whole and undivided.  I make up that means my Stand is not divided between my Chosen Stand and my Scared Self.  I can toss myself the line, “I create and constitute my integrity”, and I can choose courage and contribution over my Scared Self’s urging of comfort.

I make up that integrity is personal – I own it and I am the only one who really has to live with the integrity (or the story of a lack of integrity) that I create.  I also make up that I can continually recreate my integrity for the purpose of living a thriving life.  When life shows up to me and I make up that I am out of integrity, I can exploit an opportunity to invent and create and connect.

My Stand is to show up and contribute to the world around me.

I'm holding everyone reading this is up to living thriving lives, and with everything you are doing how do you notice your integrity and your scared self?

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