Rocks Are Stories

When we ask questions or tell stories that help others reflect on themselves, we can affect positive change on ourselves and have those around us connect with us. At MacklinConnection, we refer to this act as “Tossing a Line.”

But sometimes, when we’re not careful of the language we use, we throw a rock instead of tossing a line. Rather than helping others to pause and reflect, throwing a rock means we say something that pushes people away.

Identifying Rocks

For about five years, I was a master at throwing rocks at others and at myself. I noticed all the rocks I threw. My listeners would gather them up and build a wall between us only they could tear down. The wall wasn’t real, but it seemed real because people don’t know they’re making up their own stories.

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Making Up Stories

I grew up unaware that I was creating my self-talk. I really didn’t question what was going on. Later I made up I was talking to myself. After that I made up I was not in control of what I was making up.

“The only world we humans can have is the one we create together through the action of our coexistence ” - THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE; THE BIOLOGICAL ROOTS OF HUMAN UNDERSTANDING, FRANCISCO J. VARELA AND HUMBERTO R. MATURANA

My studies in The Tree of Knowledge triggered me to become aware I was making up my stories based on previous stories. I have tossed this line to myself many times an hour for the last decade-plus and it opened a new world for me: “I get to choose what I make up when I hold that I am making it up.”

And, I do not always hold that I am making it up. (Ok, I think I hold it about 50% of the time, although my scared self just told me my percentage is much lower than that.)

“I get to choose what I make up when I hold that I am making it up.”

I've noticed most people, most of the time, do not live their lives as if they’re making everything up. I have also noticed that most people think they are the only one who is scared, and that being scared is something to be ashamed of or to keep hidden. Put the two together – the unaware self who is making up stories and the scared self who wants to stay hidden – and boom! Most people probably see most lines as rocks upside their heads.

When we don’t remember that we are responsible for how our language can affect other people, their self-talk will “feel” everything we say as rocks upside the head, and they will distance themselves from the help we offer they cannot see.

We get to choose what we make up when we hold that we are making it up.

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Want to learn more about this topic and how to be a better communicator? Join us for an upcoming workshop.