Tossing Lines to Build Authentic Connections

Oftentimes, I am so eager to help others learn that I blurt out what I know and share my experiences as my proof of knowledge. And I don’t get the result I’m after. Instead, it is as if the other person pulled out their “Truth” shield, to deflect everything I am sharing. (They have their shield ready at hand, and it’s an excellent shield. I know this because I have mine, too.)

Being patient is my stand, and it is not natural for me, and this quote from Leon Festinger’s helps me remember to be patient: and remember not to tell anyone anything:

“Suppose that he is presented with evidence, unequivocal and undeniable evidence, that his belief is wrong: what will happen? The individual will frequently emerge, not only unshaken, but even more convinced of the truth of his beliefs than ever before. Indeed, he may even show a new fervor about convincing and converting other people to his view.”

At MacklinConnection we hold that telling people what to do — specifically if they haven’t asked for help first — does not work. Although presenting unequivocal and undeniable evidence may seem compelling, it frequently shows up to the listener as if you’re throwing a brick at them. Your potential connection could easily make the unequivocal and undeniable evidence psychological bricks they use to build a mental wall to prevent a relationship with you.

So, how do we help others and build the authentic connections required to live thriving lives?

We Toss Lines, similar to Martin Heidegger’s ontological hints. We ask a series of questions designed and spoken to allow the listener to create the language in their mind. They get to figure it out like solving a puzzle. The story they make up is theirs, and they remember the person who helped them make up the story.

I have noticed I like to figure things out. Have you noticed we are always trying to figure something out when reading a book or watching a movie? Sometimes the author drops “hints” that lead us in the wrong direction so figuring it out becomes more memorable. I hold reviewers use the term “spoiler alert” when someone is about to tell us beforehand what is going to happen so we can stop listening, reading or viewing, allowing us to figure out the story on our own.

At MacklinConnection, we hold that presenting unequivocal and undeniable evidence does not lead to authentic, trusting connections, even if it feels right at the time. We are committed to Tossing Lines, which is asking a series of questions crafted to allow the listener to create the language in their mind, or figure out the story on their own. We avoid throwing rocks, meaning the listener makes up that we are a threat to their future. (Sometimes the listener makes up it’s a rock, and we hold responsibility for what they made up.) We also avoid “floating feathers,” where we say something they don’t even notice because it is not relevant in their story.

Want to learn more about tossing lines and cultivating authentic connections? Join us for an upcoming workshop.