Choose Being! Part 2

I get to choose who they will be for me in every situation, when I hold I get to choose.

I can choose for them to be humble about what they don't know, curious, open, grounded in the little they do know, open to humor, willing to trust, passionate about taking care of their family and existential purpose and a minus Self.

“That guy is an asshole!  He does not respect me or our team.  His whole objective in life is to succeed by having us fail!    I know he is going to get the better deal in this negotiation; we might as well just write the company a check for all of our profit now and avoid the agony for the next three months!” Again, when I notice my body preparing for fight or flight before an upcoming situation, which is something I am making up, I toss the line to my Self to “Choose Being!”, as in “Choose how others are being with you.”  (Watch what you’re making up.)

First, I look at who they are for me now.  Are they mean, spiteful, demeaning? What stories am I telling myself about the person, their situation, my concerns and their concerns?  How am I using my stories to shape who they are being for me?  I remind myself that they have a Scared Self, too.  I ask myself the simple and tough question, “Am I adding to their fears or taking them away?”

Second, I reflect on their possible existential purposes.  How old are they, are they married, do they have children and what ages are they, do they have aging parents or grandparents, how is their business going, what do I suppose keeps them up at night? They are human just like me, have the same fundamental concerns as I do and need help to make their life work.

Third, I choose who they will be for me in the upcoming situation.  I can choose for them to be humble about what they don’t know, curious, open, grounded in the little they do know, open to humor, willing to trust, passionate about taking care of their family and existential purposes, and a minus self.

When I choose who they will be for me I notice easier dialogue, open communication, no attitude around their descriptions of a problem and willingness to find workable solutions.  I do not create that they are a threat to my existential purposes.

When I notice my Listeners’ negative assessments of others, I toss them the line, “Choose Being!”.  What are they choosing to make up about the Selves they are working with?  When I speak about their colleagues’ humanness, some of them say, “I doubt they’re human!”  But once I have spoken this, my Listeners realize their colleagues are humans who have the same concerns as the rest of us.  And, they have a Scared Self, too.  This lets us review questions they can ask their colleagues.  What do they really care about in life?  Who would they choose to be, to best take care of their existential purposes?  I share, “I get to choose who they will be in every situation, when I hold that I get to choose.

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