Giving Others the Space to Talk

Everyone is talking all the time. There are at least two ways people talk to themselves – those who speak aloud and those who speak in their head. When a person is processing out loud the words leave their mouths and go back into their ears. It’s easy to make up what they are thinking; heck, they’re even telling me, or at least it seems like they are. The person who speaks inside their head is talking away, likely much faster than those who speak out loud, but I can’t hear them. When I am impatient and interrupt them, it is basically the same as interrupting them when speaking out loud.  It is disruptive and rude.

Let Them Talk

When a person goes quiet and I ask myself, “Did I offend?” “Did they get what I meant?” or “Why haven’t they responded yet?” I toss myself the line, “Let them talk even if you can’t hear anything.” This helps me remember that they are talking in their head and interrupting them will stop them from creating.

Is it easy to do? No, but it gets easier. A few seconds can feel like hours to me. I become self- conscious of my body. My self-talk can take over rapidly. Yet, the person doing the thinking likely doesn’t even notice the amount of time passing. They will speak when they are ready. This seems to be the way people work, including me. It is predictable that they will respond. It is a matter of giving them space to process.

There have been times when I refused to let them think and asked another question or made a comment. I find my speaking only derails their train of thought and stops me from helping them, and them from helping me. I have made it about my comfort, not giving them the space to create. By letting them talk to themselves without interruption, when they do finally speak, we are able to create together.

‍

Enroll in a MacklinConnection workshop to strengthen your communication skills and learn to give others space to talk.