Telling Stories: A Leadership Skill

In the Tossing Lines - Hidden Shoulds, I share my stand is no “shoulding” on anyone including Myself.  There have  been times when I made up I have run out of lines to toss and withdrew from conversations to avoid “shoulding” on a person.   I make the choice to do no harm, but in withdrawing from the conversation, I am also withdrawing my help.  This action is inconsistent with my stand to be an offer of help and to produce value in every interaction.  Do no harm is my stand, doing nothing is of no help, and my stand is to help.   To restore integrity with my stand to do no harm and to be an offer of help, I have been experimenting with telling stories about myself when I notice I am out of lines or heading into a “hidden should”.

The Mechanics of Storytelling

My stories are about me.  As I tell my story, the listener is making up stories about themselves in their self-talk.  I can tell a story instead of disengaging from a person and potentially help them in their situation without “shoulding” on the person.

A short story may be all the perturbation needed to be of help.  For example, in a conversation with Ron, I used the word “try” when speaking about a commitment.  You know - “try” - as in, “I am planning to fail” or “Let me off the hook if I don’t fulfill.”  

Ron shared a story of a time that he used the word” try “with his football coach.  Halfway into the story I wasn’t listening to Ron anymore.   I was self-talking about myself and I began to quickly make up a story about myself.  As a result, I made a commitment to fulfill the promise as specified and to experiment with leading others by telling my own stories.

Leading Through Stories

When I find myself in a conversation with a person scared about a situation, I share a story of how someone helped me with a similar situation.  

“Some of the most successful companies in the world use storytelling very intentionally as a leadership tool.” - Dan Schwabel, Forbes

Early in my career at a fortune 500 company I was working up the courage to enter a room with 25 powerful people.  In my meeting preparation, I had made them up to be “unapproachable”.  

My colleague and friend, Dan, noticed my discomfort.  He reminded me that they are just people, and this wasn’t a big deal.  “Relax little John.  No pressure, but we are all counting on you,” he said with a big grin, a pat on the back, and a gentle push into the room.  His counter meaning statement threw me off and I could only grin as I caught Dan’s contagious grin.  

I find that I can share this story and then add in my own, “No pressure, but we are all counting on you,” to help a person relax and center.  For some people I don’t even need the story anymore, just the “No pressure…” part.

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