Getting Comfortable With Your Scared Self

"The ‘scared one’ inside the psyche is very concerned with being exposed to the outside world. His/her fear is that, if constant vigilance is not maintained, someone may discover the truth. We are not what we seem." - DR. JERKO (BOWEN WHITE)

The ‘scared one,’ or as I call it my Scared Self, is what I want to talk about today. While I was growing up, I distinctly remember thinking to myself, “Why does everyone seem confident while I am scared?”

For example, I was scared that:

• I would do something that would cause my family to no longer love me and accept me.
• I would not remember to study and would fail my class.
• I would never find someone to love and love me in return — or If I did, I would screw it up and lose her forever.  
• I would not get a job once I graduated from college.
• I would do something that didn’t fit in with the culture of the company and get fired, or worse, shelved.
• I would do something that hindered my children and their ability to be happy.
• I would not be able to earn enough money to pay for our life now AND in the future.
• I would fail to fulfill my existential purpose and not have peace on my deathbed.

Discovering the Scared Self

I remember attending an alumni lunch in 1995 at Rockhurst College when the event’s speaker, world-renowned “medical clown,” Bowen White, a.k.a. Dr. Jerko, started talking about his 'scared one.' I thought, “What? There are two of us in the world who have this ‘scared one’ speaking in their head!”

Then Dr. Jerko said "I bet every one of you thought you were the only one who had a ‘scared one,’ Raise your hand if this is true.”

At first, I was scared to raise my hand; I didn’t want to let people know. As I tentatively raised my hand and slowly turned around, I saw all fifty of the business leaders from Kansas City tentatively raising their hands, too.

My story of being scared was rewritten in a moment. I realized that having a Scared Self is a part of being human. I celebrated being normal.

Acknowledging My Scared Self

To say I have stopped my fears or Scared Self would be the same as saying I stopped being human. I still have my Scared Self and I am building the skill to notice it as fear, which every human lives with every day. Now, The line I toss at myself when I start telling myself that I shouldn’t be scared is: “Being scared is being human, and it’s my choice what to do with my fear.”

We all have a Scared Self. Join us for an upcoming workshop to learn how to get comfortable with yours.