Producing Dignity

Producing dignity allows for the creation of authentic connections with others.  This first showed up for me during a conversation with my grandma Vleda.  “Your mother overheard you saying you were proud of her, and it made her very happy,” she shared with me. I think I was thirteen and I remember asking “Why?” How could something I said about someone to a different person actually make them happy?  People around me do great things all the time and earn my respect.  Yet, there was something about sharing those great things with others that triggered me, even as a 13-year-old.

Respecting and speaking others’ abilities created a new world for them and me.   I noticed when I did this for others and when others did it for me.  I really liked and trusted those who spoke of my qualities to others.

Producing Jim’s Dignity

I remember Jim, a person on my team, who was avoiding me. My self talk was making up that he didn’t like me.  It bothered me because I valued him and his work. My scared self had me avoiding him, and he was doing the same.

After about three weeks of avoiding each other, Jim walked up and asked, “What don’t you like about my work”?  Not knowing how to react, I remember looking at him, eye to eye, thinking he was mad or in pain and I was responsible. I shared my satisfaction with his work and that I was very happy he was on the team.

My scared self was telling me he did not believe me.  I didn’t mention anything about avoiding him; I was too scared for that.  When I mentioned the quality of Jim’s work to another, though, I noticed Jim’s demeanor with me began to shift.

I realized what I had not been doing was producing dignity for Jim.  I had been producing dignity for my Mom, but not for Jim.

Producing Dignity – Speaking someone’s worthiness and honor to others

I hold everyone has some skill or capacity they are good at.  I look to find out what that is and speak about it to others.  When I am coaching leaders to grow autonomous teams, and I notice they are not speaking their team’s virtues, I toss the line “Produce Dignity”.

‍

‍